13593 Freedom
TOEFL Independent Writing Task
Essay Question: Security or Freedom?
Example Answer by Jeenn Lee Hsieh
ielts360toefl@hotmail.com 谢振礼
Essay Prompt:
>Which do you feel is more important in life, security or freedom and independence? Use specific reasons and examples (based on your knowledge or experience) to support your opinion.
Sample Writing (Jeenn Lee Hsieh):
There is no such thing as feeling 100 percent free and feeling 100 percent secure at the same time. Liberty and safety, both being important in life, need to be in place, and to some extent each must have the other in mind. In extreme cases, it is bad enough that freedom without security might become anarchy whereas it is even worse that security without freedom might become tyranny.
Some people claim that freedom is over security, often for a noble cause. This perception is driven by the fear of possible tyranny in which the people fear an oppressing regime. In a modern society, it is believed that people are born free, although it does not mean that they are necessarily born safe. To put it in another way, any human existence deprived of freedom is like imprisonment or a kind of death in life. Accordingly, those who are willing to sacrifice lifelong freedom for a little temporary security would not have either. That is probably why in history everywhere there seems to have been more of those who would rather die for liberty than trade liberty for uncertain safety .
As well, it is understandable that other people would regard security as a precondition to freedom, not being aware that security is just an uncertainty. One supporting point is that freedom going wild could be so dangerous that there might be a danger of turning the society into anarchy. However, it may be said that total security in theory is in practice next to impossible. Ironically, if they want total security, then go to prison. There inmates are fed, clothed, given medical care and so on. It seems, therefore, that the only thing lacking is what is more important in life: freedom. In a philosophical context, uncertainty regarding security is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with uncertainty is the only security.
As a conclusion, even though it is important to prevent the cause of freedom from becoming anarchy, it is even more important to stop the excuse of security from becoming tyranny. For that matter, the issue may focus on how far could freedom and security perform a balancing act without crossing the red-line. In life, there may be neither absolute freedom nor absolute security. (Essay created by Jeenn Lee Hsieh, ielts360toefl@hotmail.com
谢振礼 pigai zuowen)
TOEFL and IELTS Opinion Essays Made Simple (by Jeenn Lee Hsieh)
>Do you AGREE or DISAGREE with the following statement?
*TOEFL>Use SPECIFIC reasons and examples and/or details (based on your knowledge or experience) to SUPPORT your answer.
*IELTS>Give reasons for your answer and include any RELEVANT examples and/or details from your own knowledge or experience to SUPPORT your opinion.
Introduction>Say what you are going to say.
Body Paragraphs A+B> Say it (with evidence).
Conclusion>Say what you have said.
#Timed Essays: IELTS/TOEFL
#雅思 IELTS (handwriting): 40 minutes
>250-360 words
prompt and planning=8 minutes
producing=27 minutes (1.5 min. x sentence)
proofreading=5 minutes
#托福 TOEFL (keyboard): 30 minutes
>300-360 words
prompt and planning=7 minutes
producing=18 minutes (1 min. x sentence)
proofreading=5 minutes
TOEFL/IELTS: Scoring Standards
Essay评分标准: Unity and Variety
Development and Organization>Unity (in thesis, structure, content)
Thesis: well focused
Structure: well organized
Content: well supported
Grammar and Vocabulary>Variety (in rhetoric, syntax, lexicon)
Rhetoric: language effectiveness
Syntax: sentence variety
Lexicon: word choice
>TOEFL iBT Independent Writing Task: Scoring Standards
Typical Task>Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reasons and examples and/or details (from your knowledge or experience) to support your answer.
Rating the independent writing essay on overall writing quality, including development, organization, grammar and vocabulary. The writing task is rated from 0 to 5, converted to a scaled score of 0 to 30. An essay (top score) at this level largely accomplishes all of the following:
effectively addresses the topic and task
is well organized and well developed, using clearly appropriate explanations, exemplifications, and/or details
displays unity, progression, and coherence
displays consistent facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety, appropriate word choice, and idiomaticity, though it may have minor lexical or grammatical errors
>IELTS Writing Task 2
Typical Task>Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience to support your opinion.
An essay at the level of Band 9:
Task Response (TR) >fully addresses all parts of the task >presents a fully developed position in answer to the question with relevant, fully extended and well supported ideas
Coherence and Cohesion (CC) >uses cohesion in such a way that it attracts no attention >skillfully manages paragraphing
Lexical Resource (LR)>uses a wide range of vocabulary with very natural and sophisticated control of lexical features; rare minor errors occur only as 'slips'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA) >uses a wide range of (sentence) structures and full flexibility and accuracy; rare minor errors occur only as 'slips'
#3+6+6+3=18 sentences>unity, progression, coherence
Introduction>(narrowing the scope of the essay topic) from general to specific
1. Thesis statement (which presents your position to answer the essay question)
2. Focus (on specific reasons or ideas)
3. Signposts A and B (which reveal the topic sentence A for Body A, and the topic sentence B for Body B.
Body A>(Developing) Signpost A
4. Topic Sentence A
5. Explanation
6. Example
7. Details
8. Example
9. Details
Body B>(Developing) Signpost B
10. Topic Sentence B
11. Explanation
12. Example
13. Details
14. Example
15. Details
Conclusion>(extending the scope of the essay topic) from specific to general
16. Signpost A+Signpost B>
17. Focus>
18. Thesis